


Tell me that you love me, even if it's fake.

by mxalele



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Only if you squint - Freeform, Phone Calls & Telephones, Probably ooc, Sad, Sad Josh, phone booths, you'll just have to read and find out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-01 22:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11495925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxalele/pseuds/mxalele
Summary: He hears the dial tone and wonders if it's been there all along.





	Tell me that you love me, even if it's fake.

**Author's Note:**

> TW: very brief, non-graphic mention of self harm. blink and you miss it. stay safe bbys.

 

Josh stands in front of the payphone off the side of the road, and all is silent but for his mind. He's rehearsing what he's going to say before he puts the quarter in and dials the number, and he wants to get it right this time. He takes a breath and picks up the phone. 

"Hey, Ty." He says breathily, then keeps going before he hears a reply. "Listen, I only have a few minutes, so just-Let me tell you something." He hears what sounds like an 'okay' on the other end, so he starts talking. He's had a few drinks and his mind's not in the right place. He knows it hasn't been in the right place for a long time. If his head wasn't so screwed, he wouldn't be standing here, in the cold on an unknown street at three in the morning. 

"I know it's been a while. I just wanted to tell you what's on my mind, and then you can go back to sleep. "

He breathes in the cold air of the night, and says what he can.

"I've been meaning to call, but I just haven't had the time. Between work and school, it's been crazy." He chuckles "I know you've been busy too. How long has it been? A few months, I think?" He hears Tyler agree, and his mind helpfully supplies him with a picture of Tyler, smiling brightly. Josh feels himself starting to fall in love all over again, and a warmth fills the cold, hollow space in his chest. He reaches out and brushes his fingers against the ice cold glass to his left, and that brings him back to reality.

"Listen, I just wanted to apologize. I know you could never forgive me for what I've done, but I just wanted you to know that I truly am sorry." He's never felt worse about anything in his life. He's trying to remember what he had planned to say, but the words won't come out. He closes his eyes, opens them, and tries again.

"I loved living with you. I loved the way you would stay up late and sing while I tried to sleep in the next room, even though I always said it was annoying. I loved your laugh, even though I always made fun of you for it. And, I am...sorry. I'm sorry for not asking what was wrong and I'm sorry for putting you down when I should've been lifting you up. I'm sorry that you had to mask your pain when I was around." 

Josh opens his eyes. He doesn't even remember closing them, and he won't let Tyler get a word in until he's finished.

"I'm sorry for walking in. I'm sorry that I found out and yelled at you. I asked why you would ever do something like this, something like.." He stares out at the road through the frosted glass "I'm sorry I said that it hurt me when you hurt yourself. I'm sorry that I never tried to help and I should've been there when you asked me to stay. I should've tried to understand you instead of running. And when you told me to leave you alone, I never should've listened. I never should've listened to you, goddamn-it! Hell, look what you've done to me now." The air feels thin and he kicks open the door to the telephone booth. It doesn't help, but he won't stop. He won't stop until he says what he needs to say.

"I'm-I'm so, so sorry." He opens his mouth, finally ready to say it, to tell Tyler the truth.

"Ty, the reason I called is because I-"  _love you._

He tries so make the words come out, tries to scream them until his voice is raw and yell until the world knows the truth. yell it out from the fucking rooftops until the world understands that  _Josh Dun loves Tyler Joseph_ , until the whole universe knows.

But, he can't.

He can't make himself say what's on his mind. he can't make the words come out, because they won't. Can't make himself stronger, because he isn't. He can't even cry, so instead he just stands there, feeling hollow. 

Josh is suddenly aware that he feels very, very cold. All the warmth from the sun that is Tyler Joseph is gone. He drops the phone, because he knows that Tyler will never hear him, Tyler will never understand how sorry he is. Never. 

He hears the dial tone and wonders if it's been there all along.

Josh stands in front of the payphone off the side of the road, and all is silent but for his mind.


End file.
